Mmmmmmm, pie. Mmmmmmmm, whiskey. Umm, pie whiskey? Yes, pie whiskey.
When I first heard about Piehole Whiskey (in apple pie, pecan pie, and cherry pie flavors!), I couldn’t help but think about Homer Simpson. Humans like Homer are simply drawn to pie, in any flavor, shape, or level of quality. Remember the episode when Bart lays a trap for Homer by placing a piece of pie on the floor, and Homer emits a primordial, “Mmmmm, floor pie!” when he sees it? That is the human response to pie at its most basic. Whenever Homer’s in the mood for something stronger than Duff Beer, I have no doubt this would be his go-to drink.
Yes, people love pie. So why wouldn’t there be a pie that comes in the form of a whiskey bottle? I’m not saying that it would be my first choice of how to consume either pie or whiskey (nor my second choice, nor my third, nor my thirty two thousand five hundred seventy eighth), but I can see how lots of folks out there might think that pie whiskey is a good idea. After all, there’s plenty of whiskey flavored pie to be found.
So what is this Piehole stuff? It’s actually Canadian whiskey (aged between four and eight years) mixed with “pie-flavored liqueur.” 70 proof. All of $15 for a bottle. Thankfully, it requires that the buyer be of legal drinking age. And it comes to us from the innovation group at Diageo (owner of Crown Royal), where they are surely on the lookout for all sorts of intriguing ways to make Canadian whiskey as popular as bourbon is today. I have a feeling the Canadians will respect this export about as much as they do Justin Beiber. Just guessing.
The branding (PIEHOLE!) features retro pinup girls on each label, with names that match up with their respective pies – Sweet Cheri for Cherry Pie, Sweet Ashley for Apple Pie, you get the idea. They are all unapologetically sweet. Each of the pie ladies sits atop her very own slice of steaming, oozing pie. Subtle it is not. And neither are the aromas or flavors that each bottle emits. This is hit-you-over-the-head flavor, no mistaking what each one is supposed to be.
Instead of giving these whiskies formal reviews, I decided to text my (completely fabricated) 22 year old cousin, who might be more of the target market for such sexy pie-flavored products. What follows is our (also completely fabricated) exchange over a recent weekend:
So I dropped the bottles off on Saturday morning and checked in later that afternoon to make sure he had received them and cracked them open…
So, it was 3pm, and my cousin and his friends had already finished all three bottles of pie-flavored whiskey. They clearly liked it, but I had to push him for more of an assessment.
So there you have it. If you like pie, like whiskey, and can imaging marrying the two with a trip inside a Bath & Body Works, Piehole Whiskey may be just the thing for you.
Full Disclosure: Tasting samples provided by Diageo. Colin is recuperating just fine.